The Writer's Toolbox: A Review

My rule of thumb is that the crazier and more "wtf?" inducing a plot line sounds in summary, the better and more enticing of a story it will make when it's actually written out. I've recently scribbled out an idea for a fantasy novel in which a prince has a lover that he stashes on an island a few miles off of the coast of his kingdom. He feels emasculated, and is often trying to prove himself strong and manly. In other words, he's a douche. Things begin to grow complicated when an escaped convict washes ashore on the island where the prince's lover is kept a virtual prisoner, and she takes him in hoping that she can easily hide him from the prince.

I think I'm going to say, "screw you" to the lover and have the prince and the escaped convict end up together just for the Hell of it. Also, there's probably a flying horse or something in there somewhere. I could very easily grow this one little possible novella-sized fantasy work into a four party series that is absurdly more complicated and epic than it needs to be.

This story idea, one of many scribbled down in my notebook that may or may not see the light of day, came to me while I was screwing around with The Writer's Toolbox, a fascinatingly stimulating and gloriously fun box full of inspirational writing games that I sorely wish I had already bought ages ago.

The box consists of games designed to spark the imagination of writers young, old, and uncreative---just promise yourself that you won't ever discard any idea, no matter how absurd.

In light of the many other story ideas that have come to me over the years, my crazy-assed love polygon  story actually pales in comparison. The best part about using The Writer's Toolbox is that you can easily look at the first lines, the protagonist wheels, the sixth sense cards, and say to yourself, "How on earth did I get this story idea from all of these random collections of words?"

That, my friend, is how the human mind works. It is the very reason why there is a creative writer inside of us all. The Writer's Toolbox takes advantage of the strange ways in which our minds operate, allowing us to quite literally create a fantastical cyberpunk thriller out of a random suggestion of a first line such as, "Jim liked to eat sandwiches."

My advice to anyone who makes the wonderful decision of using The Writer's Toolbox would be to just go nuts and think about nothing else but having fun. That's why we all decided we wanted to be creative writers for a living anyway, isn't it? Who needs a desk job when we can make a living off of our daydreams?

The only difference between writers and non-writers is simply that non-writers judge or fear their daydreams and leave them inside their heads.

Write on, fellow daydreamers!

God on high, kill me for allowing myself to utter those words...

The Most Comfortable Addiction

I have a confession to make: I haven't been doing my homework.

Oh, sure, on the high school level this is a minor blunder...but when you get to college? It's supposed to consume your life, or at least that's what everyone says. The problem is that it isn't consuming mine, and when I sit and compile a list of everything I've been assigned for the week, I quickly see that I've got enough so that it should.

The funny thing about college is that so far all of the assignment are long-term and incredibly easy to forget. They have to be, I suppose, since you don't have every class every day (think God, Krishna, Quetzalcoatl and everybody up there for that one!)

Now, I know I've done posts on how hard it is to find time to write, and believe me, I'm still struggling with that one since most noises wipe my mind as clean as a blank slate. But what is a writer to do when there are other things in her life that she's actually neglecting because of her addiction to her writing?

My first thought was, "Well, I suppose I could skip writing on some days when I have more homework," but my heart began to palpitate the moment that one sailed across my brain. No way. Even if it's just one sentence , I have to do something.

But what happens when I do that, "Just one sentence before I start my homework" thing?

I write five pages, look at the clock, and see that it's midnight.

Then I look down at the page and keep writing.

The most obvious choice is to get the homework out of the way before I start the writing, but every creative writing book and class I've ever attented would shake their collective fingers at me and scream. "The writing should come first!", they've all cried without exception. Isn't this advice for people who are likely to put it off?

Clearly that isn't my problem, here. I've even been lectured in the pages of a book on how I should be putting my writing way before going to the gym, as if I've ever actually set foot inside one. Nice one, Help Book. You know that the gym and I are so distant that I don't even know how to pronounce it.

Seriously, what is up with that? Has anyone else read writing help books and noticed that every single one of them warns that you should write before doing your daily exercises, as if all writers are addicted to bodybuilding or some crap?

Pfft. My writing is the reason why I lack muscle tone, and probably will until this novel gets into the beta reading stage.

So, what are you to do when you're addicted to the craft? The other areas of my life need some love, too, seeing as I'm either graded on them or need to clean them before my mom pitches a fit.

I think I'm going to try out this "Getting the stuff that needs to be done first out of the way" thing, even though against every piece of writing advice I've ever heard. Yes, Mr. Self Help Book Writer, I know that writing is more important than studying for my History Exam, but it seriously needs to get done.

On a related note, my novel now has 8,208 words in it, and I'm about 20% done.

And yes, I've only been working on it for a week and a half.

Now do you see the extent of my problem? Everyone's told me that a normal person doesn't fill that many pages in so few days, because a normal person has a life.

I do have a life. I'm just not living it,  because I'd rather be living the life in my head.

Fiction Writing Books: The Only One You'll Ever Need

Image by The Shane H via Flickr

Anyone who's read some of the writing help books out there on the market knows that they're a slew of problems with nearly each and every one of them. It's actually quite a bit harder to find one that helps you than it is to find one that discourages you from writing ever again. Seriously, sometimes I think that the writers of the aforementioned books write them just to discourage new writers and eliminate the competition.

The two biggest problems with writing help books:

--The writer almost always pushes his process on you, telling you that the reason why you've failed is because you weren't doing it his way. Oh, please. A writer's process is like a fingerprint. A true writing HELP book (the key word being help) will aid you in figuring out what your own writing process is and using it to the best of your abilities.

--Work is being pushed and creativity is being ignored. I wouldn't be lying if I said that I had read books that actually discouraged you from being creative. One book even went as far to as say that it really was all work and no play. Well, all work and no play makes a novel dull as hell. I would know. I got as far as my outline before I read over it and had to admit that it was directing the writing of one of the most boring books in history. I shudder to think of what it would have been like had I actually written the thing.

You can only imagine how discouraging it was for me to fail this hard while reading a book that tried as hard as it could to convince the reader that if he or she couldn't make their novel come out in ninety days with the instruction they were given, they were just a terrible writer and not cut out for the buisness. It was literally impossible NOT to fail, however, when I remember how I felt about my writing during those few weeks.

The writer of the book seemed to think that you should hate writing and dread the time you set aside for it as if it were the worst part of the entire day. If you enjoyed it, well, you just weren't pushing yourself hard enough. Sometimes professionals get so caught up in making their job look hard and important that they actually end up stripping all the passion out of it.

So what is an aspiring writer who's having trouble mastering the novel to do?

Well, I'm absolutely thrilled to say that I've actually come across a book that's helped me tremendously. I've taken classes on creative writing and can honestly say that they weren't as good as Alan Watt's The 90 Day Novel: Unlocking the Story Within.

That's exactly what I did. I followed the advice within the pages, and I can't even explain how it worked, but it did. I seriously didn't know that all of that plot was sitting inside of me waiting to explode onto the page. The story is almost one hundred percent different than it was when I went through it the first time I had novel writing doubts, and it's almost that much more interesting. It's not just a story---it's a good one. When I read his book, I get the impression that he actually gives a crap, rare as that is in today's world of self help books.

So if you've been trying to write a novel for the longest time (in my case, bordering on four to five years) and just can't get it to work no matter how hard you try, I highly recommend this book. Translation: GET IT. GET IT. GET IT.

I'm beginning to see what my writing process is now, and it's working so much better than trying to roll with everyone else's.

This book is a must for aspiring writers. The reviews are not lying. It really is that helpful, and I will swear on a stack of whatever religious documents you wish that I am not being paid a cent to say any of this stuff.

Three guesses as to what this post is going to be about.

ThImage by brody4 via FlickrI'm sincerely sorry that I can't shut up about this novel. It's just really coming together, and quite frankly, I'm overjoyed. Nothing has ever come together like this for me. Usually it starts as an idea and stays as an idea because I'm more than afraid to plan it out and actually DO it. Fear of screwing up? Oh yes. I should think so.

This time, however, I told myself that such a thing simply would not fly. I buckled down and actually started outlining the thing, and didn't make myself too scared to plan out the story from start all the way to finish.

The only problem is that now I'm terrified of actually writing it.

On a related matter, I decided to bump the age of my main character from fourteen down to thirteen. While she's supposed to seem young and naive for her age, I was writing my scenes and realized that she just might be a bit too young and naive to be fourteen.

Is she too immature to be thirteen?

Incredibly. But not so much that it makes it look like I such at characterization. I've just got to say that I'm glad I made the change before I actually started on the manuscript. Does anyone out there know how annoying it is to go back and change things about a character (such as name or age) and then go change all of the references made TO that thing you changed? And all of the plot points it influenced?

Ugh. That's another reason to make sure you've got it straight before you start writing. Believe me, the more sure you are about exactly what is going to happen and when, the easier the actual writing will be.

Oh joy! It's a PLOT!

Image by mshea via FlickrI've never been more excited in my entire life. I just sat down and, after finishing up the last of my character development, typed out the entire plot synopsis to my novel. AHHHH!

This has never happened before. Normally I start a novel with nothing but ideas and then leave it alone. If you think of the plot of a novel as getting from point A to point Z, my problem has definitely always been that I have points A, Z, G, O, M, Q, W, P, and R, but none of the others.

In other words, I only have a few disjointed, disconnected scenes of the novel and not the whole shebang. Well, I'm happy to say that the whole shebang is definitely mine in the case of this one. I've got all of the stops along the way planned out. Now all I have to do is outline the thing and then write it! EEEE!

I know it may seem like I'm overreacting, but this truly is a wonderful moment for me. It means I just might make it in this crazy business, after all. My problem before definitely was planning. Looking back at the way I had been writing before, it's no wonder I never got anywhere. I'm so glad I actually decided to pretty much develop the whole darn thing beforehand or I might have never gotten past my slump.

I have made this one rule for myself: The novel is everything. Even if it's five in the afternoon on a Saturday and you've been invited to go to a free pie party, you don't. You write. Because if you don't, that novel will never get finished. Never.

Fun with Writing Prompts: First Memory

I had to start writing for twelve minutes and not stop until the clock was up. I hope this isn't too frightening.

Most people can't remember as far back as their first year on this earth. Seeing as I can barely remember what I had for breakfast this morning, it's odd that I can.

My first memory hangs in my mind, but not vividly. It's more like a memory of a memory than an actual memory itself...not exactly crystal clear, but there nonetheless. I remember my mother carrying me on her hip. I can also recall a cloudy sky, but that may just be the haze that naturally hangs over the things that we try to remember from the distant past. I like to think that it was storming, however. I've always liked storms and the energy they put into the air.

I can't see my father. I've always imagined him walking behind my mother, but I may have just erased him from the picture. I can, however, see the landlord taking us up the steps to the porch. They were blue then, something they haven't been in a long time. He didn't have a face...I can only remember his hat. I don't know what sort of hat it was...just that it was a hat.

If I squint my eyes and try as hard as I can to visualize the scene, I can see the screen door. Beyond there is nothing but black. The landlord, whose name I believe was Jason, beckons. We follow. My mother's hand reaches for the door handle. After that I can remember nothing more. I wish I could at least remember Jason's face. I think he was fat. His shirt may have been white. Maybe the hat was white, too. It bothers me, having his image so close and yet so far away. He was a terror to me as a child, you know. He would always shake his fist at me when he saw me riding my bike and threaten to “get me”.

Bikes weren't allowed in our neighborhood. It was our favorite rule to break.

If I had known what I was getting into when I was carried up those steps that day, I probably would have screamed as loudly as I could.  

A Note Regarding My Updates and Pony Mind Control

Image by ZATZAi via Flickr. Anyone who has read Cupcakes knows to be very, very afraid of Pinkie Pie.My goal is to update this thing twice a week so that I can be sure that I keep things going. Sure, I could update it often but not regularly. I'm the kind of person who appreciates knowing when something is coming, however, and I feel like other people will appreciate it, too.

I'm going to post whenever it strikes my fancy, but I'm going to try my very hardest to make sure that there is at least a post ever Monday and Thursday. So far I've been going at one post every day, but you know how hard that can be when life knocks on your door and kicks you in the face.

I wouldn't be crazy to assume that's  happened to everybody, would I?

That being said, I would like to leave you with this solid piece of advice:

I'm sure you've heard of this "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" craze that has been sweeping the Internet. If you haven't watched it already, I recommend you don't. You'll watch it again, and you'll have no idea why. Then you'll find yourself watching it a second time, a third time, and a fourth time.

That is when you will notice all of your friends making fun of you. My boyfriend refuses to watch because he believes they use some sort of hypnosis to attract men, and he wants no part of all that hoodoo.

I read the fanfiction Cupcakes before I had even heard of the show, and I swear that that's the only thing that got me started with it. Everyone else says it ruins Pinkie Pie. I have a deliciously morbid sense of humor, and have to admit that the story is the main reason why she's my favorite. 

Just Write: Quite Possibly the Best Writing Advice Ever Given

Image by jjpacres via FlickrThe best thing you can do (besides showing and not telling) is to just let your first draft...you know...happen. Don't stress too much. That's what revision is for, anyway.

Yesterday I didn't quite manage to get in my two hundred words. I know that's not much of a goal for more seasoned writers, but I tend to get distracted. Two hundred words a day is a pretty reasonable number from which I can work my way up.

Oh! The joy of one day being able to write one thousand words on a bad day...alas, I fear it shall never come.

Well, the other day I sort of got on a roll and managed five hundred in about ten minutes...but that's not typical.

Normally it's all like..."Ooo! This is happening in the story!"

...and then ten seconds later...

"Nah...nah....this should happen instead...*super backspace of DOOM*

After about two hours of me doing this I've got about two hundred words. Sad, I know, but that's why I'm trying to listen to all of those people who tell me I should just write instead of worrying about the first draft being as perfect as the final. It is just a first draft, after all, isn't it?

After years of saying, "No! No, I can't do that! I have to make it good from the start or else...you know?", I think I finally understand why every writer in the world I've asked for advice has told me that. It really does work! You actually get something done. I would recommend this to everyone were it not extremely possible that everyone else is already doing it.

So if you aren't...DO IT! It's fun. I promise.

I just want to write stories that people enjoy. Honestly, where would any of us be without a good story to take us somewhere we've never dreamed we'd go?

Not in Mexico. That's for sure.

Not in Mexico.

You know, sometimes it's best to ignore me.

Alabaster Cities

This is an old poem that I wrote a few months ago. I entered it into a contest and managed to snag second place, though I'll admit that it's nowhere near my best work. I've spruced it up a bit since then, so I hope that it's easier to get the message across. It's essentially about racism, but like most poems its meaning can definitely be expanded.

Even unto the realm of chocolate filled donuts. Yes. Even there.

-----

He walks through alabaster streets

Where no one knows his name,

Where they pelt him with stones

As if they themselves have never sinned

And insist that he is less than human.

And he cries

Oh he cries

For Father to take him home.

But Father,

He knows

That the boy has been home all along.

So sing, son of stone!

Lift your voice to your maker.

You are human---

Perhaps more human

Than them all.

Break the ivory towers

Like a concrete-cracking flower.

Crumble into rubble,

O Jericho,

And let the people pass.

We have waited too long

To be freed from your tyranny. 

We are children of the future

And not of the past.

I'm in Love With My Kindle.

This is not news.

*prepares for deluge of angry hipsters yelling that real writers don't kill the printed word*

It has caused me to read a whole slew of new books that I otherwise would have never picked up. They're cheaper, and I can read new writers who haven't been published yet.

Of course, that also means running into hundreds of first person stories about an eleven year old girl with a vocabulary straight out of a Thesaurus who has abilities that only Jesus, Satan, and Bill Clinton combined should have. Oh, and guess what? Everyone HATES her for these abilities! They also constantly tell her she is wrong, only to find out that she was right and get screwed over.

GAH!

Am I the only completely annoyed by this? I can't be the only one who's put down a book the second the ditzy, cheerleader type main character uses a word like "microorganism" in narration. First person is, in my opinion, supposed to reflect a character's train of thought.

I know that everyone out there wants that super special awesome character who can burn down entire cities with a single glare, but said character completely turns most readers off if they can't relate to him/her. Characters should be human, too. People want to read about people. Nobody wants to read a story about someone the author obviously wants them to envy.

Not that having magical powers isn't good...it's just that nowadays they're more of a Deus Ex Machina than anything else. How is Mary Jane going to change as a character by getting out of the aforementioned situation?

Well, she isn't! Because her magical powers that make her more awesome and smarter than everyone else in the universe enable her to just poof right out of that concrete room seven miles underground.

I'm more of a fan of average characters who become less average as a result of being put in out of the ordinary situations, like Alice going down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. But then again, apparently I'm often guilty of neglecting my characters. In fact, according to a Mary Sue Test I took, my characters are anything but.

I scored a negative seven.

Maybe I should throw them a bone or two to keep things interesting. I don't know...a little magical animal friend or some crap.

I begin this story in the same way I've began many others...

...with a vague and possibly flawed introduction in the form of a flashback attempting to draw the reader into the rest of the story. I've been told that the main reason I can't finish projects is my habit of writing my first draft as if it were the final when I should simply just be writing. I've been trying harder to take that advice and just "write". The following introduction to my newest project (which, God willing, I will finish) is the result.

I'm not happy with it, but then again I'm not happy with anything I do. To be honest, I'm far too frightened of what might happen if I were to allow myself to be satisfied.

-----

The cave walls, bathed in an orange glow from the fire, were crumbling all around her. The entire world wanted to crush Muriel under its weight and trap her flattened body underground where no one would ever find it.

If, of course, anyone would even look. Muriel wasn’t the fastest thinker you’d ever come across, but she had been given due time to figure out that this sort of thing had happened before. 

In front of her lay the dank opening to the rest of the catacombs. If she took one more step into that darkness that was so thick it looked like she could choke on it, she may never find her way back again. Worse yet, she would more likely than not be trapped inside when the whole damn thing collapsed. 

But if she didn’t? Well, then she would never know.

Biting her lip and shaking with both fear and anticipation, Muriel listened to the sounds of her footfalls as she took a first, second, and then a third step into the rocky aperture. Once she had passed the stone gateway, the shaking earth became silent as quickly as if switched off by the press of a button.

----

Now, if only I could begin from the actual beginning and work up to that particular point in the plot.

Of course, it could really put a damper on things if I decide to take the above mentioned scene out of the story...you wouldn't believe how many times that has happened. Seeing as it's the most climactic point in the plot, however, I don't believe I will. 

On a related note, am I the only person who has changed a character's name and been forced to go back through the entire manuscript and make the appropriate adjustments? 

The first time that happened to me was definitely the last. Now I try as hard as I can to make sure I've got the name set in stone before I begin writing. I decided to change a character's name from "Mark" to "Lucas", and since I was already at least ten chapters in, I simply used "find and replace".

What I ended up with was chapter after chapter of people making "reLucass" instead of remarks and "Lucasing" things onto pieces of paper.

It pays to be a programmer.

Unfortunately, I am not one. That's why I've had to go through a cornucopia of blogging services in order to find one that didn't make me want to rip my hair out for one reason or the other.

I want to try to update this thing bi-weekly. I want every post to be nice, long, and meaningful, which makes it hard to get a post out every day. I suppose I'll be sticking some random snippets of stories I've been working on along with the occasional poem. I warn you, though, that my poetry is completely awful. You  may just lose your soul from reading it. I'm not even kidding. I feel that my prose is at least a little better, if not a lot better.

I went to Blogger because I've had a life-long love affair with Google.

If you think that's a metaphor, well then you just don't know how creepy I can be.