My First Person is a Trainwreck

Though I haven't given it as much attention as I had anticipated this summer, I do actually have a novella that I'm writing along with the novel I posted a snippet of earlier. I wanted it done by the end of August, but computer problems have made that entirely impossible. I would, however, like to post the Prologue seeing as I desperately need some content.

I'd also like to mention that I'm HORRIBLE at first person, which is the point of view I've chosen for this particular story. It seems like the only possible way for the plot to have the impact I want.  Unfortunately, I know that I also have a lot of potential to screw it up.

The worst possible thing that I could do in this situation is panic. I'm a neurotic mess, and I'll admit that it's hilarious. I sure hope to God that someone finds this entertaining. I truly do need to create a character who is as "mentally hilarious" as I am.

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       I’ll bet that when you look at me, all you can see is a shadow.
      
       I thought so. I probably shouldn’t have even made contact with you. I can tell you’re scared, but don’t be. Trust me when I say that you’re lucky that it was me who approached you and not one of the others.
      
       Truth be told, I just wanted to see if I was really gone, or if I still had a chance to run. Now I know, but I don’t want to go just yet, selfish at that may seem. In fact, I want to stall for as much time as I can.
      
       He’ll find me, I know that’s inevitable. He’s probably closer by than I think at this very moment. I’m more frightened now than I was when I first met him…or it, rather.
      
       He isn’t a “he”, I know that, too. I’m just much more comfortable with knowing that he’s something I’m familiar with instead of…well, instead of something that’s “alien” to me, for lack of a better word.
      
       I’m probably the only one you’ll ever meet that’s a “she” instead of an “it”.  If you’re lucky, you’ll never meet another one of us again. Because the chances of you meeting one like me…one that used to be one of you…are slim.
      
       Of course you’ve seen us before, maybe even heard us. Those ominous shadows lurking in the corner of your peripheral vision that you’d always assumed belonged to something…a person or object…beyond what you were capable of seeing. If only you knew just how far beyond…..
      
       I know you’re frightened enough as it is. A random shadow speaking to you out of the darkness can be quite unnerving. But it isn’t like we…I suppose I should be considering myself one of them now…haven’t tried speaking to you before. You’ve trained yourself not to hear us. I guarantee that the memories are buried there, somewhere deep within the file labelled “Fleeting Childhood Moments”.
      
       I would also recommend that you don’t go looking for those memories. Your brain has blocked us out for a reason. You were only able to notice me because, well…because I’m not really one of them. Not entirely. Like I said before, you would see what I meant if you were to try and find some of the others. But don’t. Please. You’re living in a bubble, each and every one of you. Don’t burst it, no matter how wonderful you think it would be to peek beyond the veil.
      
       Me, I didn’t have a choice. Someone burst my bubble for me, and, well, here I am. Forgive me for telling you my story, for bursting your bubble, too.  I know you don’t want to hear it. But I don’t want to go just yet, and, well…you can give me that much, can’t you? Besides, it won’t be just my story for much longer. They’ll be coming for all of you soon enough. You deserve a warning, even if you won’t listen.

I begin this story in the same way I've began many others...

...with a vague and possibly flawed introduction in the form of a flashback attempting to draw the reader into the rest of the story. I've been told that the main reason I can't finish projects is my habit of writing my first draft as if it were the final when I should simply just be writing. I've been trying harder to take that advice and just "write". The following introduction to my newest project (which, God willing, I will finish) is the result.

I'm not happy with it, but then again I'm not happy with anything I do. To be honest, I'm far too frightened of what might happen if I were to allow myself to be satisfied.

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The cave walls, bathed in an orange glow from the fire, were crumbling all around her. The entire world wanted to crush Muriel under its weight and trap her flattened body underground where no one would ever find it.

If, of course, anyone would even look. Muriel wasn’t the fastest thinker you’d ever come across, but she had been given due time to figure out that this sort of thing had happened before. 

In front of her lay the dank opening to the rest of the catacombs. If she took one more step into that darkness that was so thick it looked like she could choke on it, she may never find her way back again. Worse yet, she would more likely than not be trapped inside when the whole damn thing collapsed. 

But if she didn’t? Well, then she would never know.

Biting her lip and shaking with both fear and anticipation, Muriel listened to the sounds of her footfalls as she took a first, second, and then a third step into the rocky aperture. Once she had passed the stone gateway, the shaking earth became silent as quickly as if switched off by the press of a button.

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Now, if only I could begin from the actual beginning and work up to that particular point in the plot.

Of course, it could really put a damper on things if I decide to take the above mentioned scene out of the story...you wouldn't believe how many times that has happened. Seeing as it's the most climactic point in the plot, however, I don't believe I will. 

On a related note, am I the only person who has changed a character's name and been forced to go back through the entire manuscript and make the appropriate adjustments? 

The first time that happened to me was definitely the last. Now I try as hard as I can to make sure I've got the name set in stone before I begin writing. I decided to change a character's name from "Mark" to "Lucas", and since I was already at least ten chapters in, I simply used "find and replace".

What I ended up with was chapter after chapter of people making "reLucass" instead of remarks and "Lucasing" things onto pieces of paper.