The Writer's Toolbox: A Review

My rule of thumb is that the crazier and more "wtf?" inducing a plot line sounds in summary, the better and more enticing of a story it will make when it's actually written out. I've recently scribbled out an idea for a fantasy novel in which a prince has a lover that he stashes on an island a few miles off of the coast of his kingdom. He feels emasculated, and is often trying to prove himself strong and manly. In other words, he's a douche. Things begin to grow complicated when an escaped convict washes ashore on the island where the prince's lover is kept a virtual prisoner, and she takes him in hoping that she can easily hide him from the prince.

I think I'm going to say, "screw you" to the lover and have the prince and the escaped convict end up together just for the Hell of it. Also, there's probably a flying horse or something in there somewhere. I could very easily grow this one little possible novella-sized fantasy work into a four party series that is absurdly more complicated and epic than it needs to be.

This story idea, one of many scribbled down in my notebook that may or may not see the light of day, came to me while I was screwing around with The Writer's Toolbox, a fascinatingly stimulating and gloriously fun box full of inspirational writing games that I sorely wish I had already bought ages ago.

The box consists of games designed to spark the imagination of writers young, old, and uncreative---just promise yourself that you won't ever discard any idea, no matter how absurd.

In light of the many other story ideas that have come to me over the years, my crazy-assed love polygon  story actually pales in comparison. The best part about using The Writer's Toolbox is that you can easily look at the first lines, the protagonist wheels, the sixth sense cards, and say to yourself, "How on earth did I get this story idea from all of these random collections of words?"

That, my friend, is how the human mind works. It is the very reason why there is a creative writer inside of us all. The Writer's Toolbox takes advantage of the strange ways in which our minds operate, allowing us to quite literally create a fantastical cyberpunk thriller out of a random suggestion of a first line such as, "Jim liked to eat sandwiches."

My advice to anyone who makes the wonderful decision of using The Writer's Toolbox would be to just go nuts and think about nothing else but having fun. That's why we all decided we wanted to be creative writers for a living anyway, isn't it? Who needs a desk job when we can make a living off of our daydreams?

The only difference between writers and non-writers is simply that non-writers judge or fear their daydreams and leave them inside their heads.

Write on, fellow daydreamers!

God on high, kill me for allowing myself to utter those words...

Eleven bog post prompts I wish people would actually write

I am going to be completely honest with you here. For once, something didn't get in the way of my blogging for two straight days. There was no spotty internet connection, and especially no horrible family emergency.

I had no freaking idea what to write.

Sure, I could ramble on and on about my  novel like most writers do in their blogs, but honestly, I've said enough about it already. Anything else I say would just be mindlessly repeating myself, and I don't want to look like I think I'm awesome. Bloggers who write as if they are humans instead of professors are much more fun to read, anyway.

So I Googled, "blog post prompts."

Lazy? Yes. Uninspired? Most likely. What I learned was that the Internet is seriously lacking some interesting blog post prompts. I know you guys aren't mindless sheeple: you aren't going to read through eight gigantic block-style paragraphs about what I think is wrong with other bloggers or society at large. Leave stuff like that underwater, and just let the tip of the iceberg show. The readers will get it. Human's analyze things by nature.

Anyway, this whole ordeal has prompted me to compile a list of prompts that I would rather read instead of some guy doing the often suggested, "interview with himself":

1. If kindergarders became murderous and took over the world, would you find any moral roadblocks interfering with your ability to kick them in the face and fight for your survival?
2. How many zombies do you seriously think it would take to screw in a lightbulb?
3. You are stranded on a deserted island with Newt Gingrich.
4. Everyone named Bill is joining a secret cult called, "The Society of the Bills." What are they secretly up to? If your name is Bill, do you join? If your name isn't Bill, pretend that you're infiltrated their facility somehow and found out their agenda for the first time.
5. What do you really...and I mean REALLY...think about those loud children in restaurants?
6. Why do you think Carrot Top's face looks that way?
7. A series of hydrogen bombs have detonated and rendered the surface of the Earth uninhabitable. You are in an underground facility with the cast of the Jersey Shore. You are the only ones left alive.
8. You're hiding from a vicious monster that has made its way into your house. You are locked in your room and typing up a blog post asking for help.
9. Do number eight, but pretend that your spacebar won't work.
10. You have just received word that Carl Rove has stolen Christmas.
11. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood...in the vacuum of outer space?

I think I'll run with some of these. I'm getting way too tired of thinking inside the box when it comes to blogging.

Never Should Have Watched That Episode of South Park

Lately I've been knee deep in trying to churn out a novel in a few months while simultaneously thinking about school and not really caring whether or not I go (or at least remain) crazy. Those right there are the obvious obstacles...school, earning a living, friends, family, that pesky little thing called life...that you hear of most often. What everyone seems to ignore when talking about problems with writing a book is the possibility that you just might get distracted. For some reason everyone likes to pretend that it doesn't happen to them.

I have a bunch of ideas for stories. They're all written down somewhere in a bunch of little notebooks, and I'm always thinking about at least one of them. The problem is that I can't get my Sci-Fi novel--the one that I put off until I'm finished with the one I'm working on right now--out of my head. I sit down with my pen to write about castles and dragons, but all I can think about is aliens. It's maddening.

The strange new alien obsession may or may not be due to my current paper than I'm having to write on Scientology. I can't tell you how many people gave me strange looks when I walked out of my school's library with a copy of Dianetics.  I wanted to shout, "Hey, you've got me all wrong! I'm not a Scientologist; I'm just as whacked out on prescription drugs as you are!"

And once again we come full circle to the Zoloft. And the coffee. And the energy drinks. And the perverted jokes. And the half-assed research attempts that prove my glibness.

Good Lord, I'm a Scientologist's worst nightmare. But then again, I'm a lot of people's worst nightmare.

I took about half of the notes that I need to write the paper last night from Dianetics and a few newspaper and magazine articles. Let me just say that I'm happy that the Church of Scientology probably isn't the least bit interested in me or the $0.32 I have to my name.

Yes. That is what is in my bank account. The words "college student" and "writer" do not mix well at all.

I'm going to call the paper, "The World Only Xenu Knows" and hope to God that someone out there gets the joke.

No one ever gets my jokes, you see.

Hey, if you think that's cheesy, I also thought about calling it "Children of a Lesser Xenu." Bet you're distraught that you almost got away without knowing that one.

And I Have Decided. *drumroll...notreally*

This is my 50th blog post. How sad.

I believe I have finally decided on a layout that I love. All of the content is still nice and centered, even though the sidebar is on the right side of the page like it was in the previous one. I definitely think it makes for easier reading and isn't very overwhelming at all.

Not to mention that I like Domo. A lot.

I also noticed that I blog nerd culture as well as writing, so it seemed very appropriate.

Well, maybe it's not nerd culture. Maybe it's more like...dork culture. I doubt I'm very nerdy,  because I don't tend to be very smart. I am, however, a proven dork.

I managed to get two practically empty posts up in one day. Impressive. Thankfully, I'm outlining tomorrow's post right now.

Of course, I should be developing character back-stories at the moment. In four days I want to start drafting the novel that I actually haven't talked about in a long time, so I really have to get on the ball. Yeep. If I could hide under the covers and whimper, I could.

Oh wait. I can. Nothing stopping me, there.

But before I go do that, I've taken an interest in creepy and unexplained websites lately, probably after the discovery of Meat Planet. I have no idea why they creep me out so much. Usually, if you have to click through them, I can only manage to make it to a few pages. Here are some.

Superbad  - This website was actually up long before there was ever a Superbad movie, and it doesn't appear to have anything to do with it. Seriously. I discovered this one a long time ago, long before I saw it on creepy websites lists, and didn't find it that scary. Now that I'm a few years older, it bothers me for some reason.

Nobody Here - I can't leave this page open for more than a few seconds. I'm a wimp, and I'm being completely honest with you. It probably doesn't really do anything.

Six Second Sunrise - I got to the second page on this one and got creeped out. For someone who's enjoyed writing horror in the past, I'm a major pansy.

**edit** The Cupcakes Fanfic - not a weird or unexplained website, but definitely...odd. I realize that I linked to it once before without posting a warning. I apologize, and would like to say that those with weak stomachs probably shouldn't read it. Yes. Nobody Here freaked me out, and yet I read the entire Cupcakes Fanfic and actually sort of giggled.

Seriously. This morning, I thought a dust bunny was a centipede and left the shower without rinsing out my conditioner.

At Least 42 is an Even Number

Image by phatcontroller via FlickrHow many scenes does the average novel have? Mine, after I made a little timeline, appears to have forty two with about three scenes per chapter. I wanted to make my usual tediously detailed outline for it by the end of today, but I don't think that's going to happen. I worked on it for a few hours yesterday and only outlined eight scenes.

Yes, eight. Out of forty two. Looks like I've got to either give myself an extra day or down a gallon of coffee and work from now until Kingdom Come. I'm starting with the former, but like always will most likely switch my plans to the latter. Either way, it's work getting done, right?

I know I can't be the only one who sits there staring mindlessly at my blinking cursor unless I have a perfectly prepared outline of the scene. Seriously. I even need to divide the scene into a beginning, middle, and end. After that I divide the different parts of the scene into their own beginnings, middles, and ends. Sometimes I even go further than that, but I won't delve too deeply into my insanity. It makes people  nervous.

I'll have to note that the excerpts I posted were done without any sort of scene outline at all (let alone the hyper detailed one that I prefer), which is why they tended to suck. I honestly don't see how some authors can spin a tale out of an outline that's basically just a bulleted list of the scenes. Everyone has a different process, though. Most indie authors, what with their freethinking ways and such, scorn the outline entirely.

Me, I need it to survive. I didn't even realize it until my current novel. All of my previous works were attempted with absolutely no outline at all, and they never made it past a few horribly written chapters with no concept of any sort of narrative arc. One common mistake of novelists is, after all, that they're writing a novel from beginning to end and literally making it up as they go. Makes foreshadowing a bit hard when you're literally writing the thing as a reader.

Looking back over my old writing makes me nervous. I shudder at how terrible it is, and back then I thought it was so good! That in turn makes me worry that what I'm writing now isn't good even though it at least feels decent. Isn't it frightening to work so hard on something that you might scorn later when you've gotten more experience?

Anyone else afraid of this? Or are you perfectly comfortable with laughing at your old work (whether it's in writing, art, performing, or sports) and beaming at how much you've grown? I wish I were. I'm going to try, anyway. I'm definitely going to do the whole, "wait a few weeks and then proofread again" once this baby is through, though.

I would like to close by leaving all you other indie authors out there with a link to one of my favorite blogs, Publetariat. I always get a kick out of the title, and it's an amazing source of valuable information for independent authors.

Related articles

• How Many Scenes Does Your Novel Need? (advancedfictionwriting.com)