Image via WikipediaA more appropriate title for this blog post would probably be, "Writers With Misophonia: Are There Any?", because I'm seriously convinced that I'm the only one in the universe.
I know that only neurologists and those who suffer from it seem to consider Misophonia a real disorder, so I'll probably get nothing but the usual, "Just suck it up and get over it, you psychopath" response from this post, but I'm willing to risk that just because I know how difficult being a writer with Misophonia can be. I'm even beginning to think that it just may be impossible, and that absolutely no one has ever done it. How on Earth am I expected to write when I can't find any time at all that allows me to retreat into a quiet corner with my headphones for at least two hours?
I've said before that it seems like most professional writers out there apparently have all day to their quiet little selves, as they insist time and time again that you absolutely must write every single day uninterrupted for whatever length of time they deem appropriate (because they are the God of writing, it seems.)
I cannot do this, because everyone in my family and community seems to need to make these noises to live, and my amount of trigger sounds is on the rise. Right now it includes:
- lip smacking
- chewing
- crunching
- whistling
- mumbling
- coughing
- sniffing
- pen clicking
- throat clearing
- sighing
- beeps and other noises at certain frequencies
- so, so many more that I just can't list them all.
I think anything soft, distant, and coming from the face is included in that list. It makes writing damn near impossible without music (which most professional writers also say is a no-no), and it only gets worse as you get older. One of my teachers smacked his lips at the beginning of nearly every sentence, and I ended up having to drop the class. It's an absolute nightmare. I'm even bothered by seeing people moving their lips in such a way that I know causes them to make those noises, even if it's from across the room and I can't hear it. I have to look away from people chewing their gum or licking their lips, or else everything that I'm trying to accomplish at the moment just gets replaced by a blind rage that I can barely control if I don't literally get up and run out of the room to escape. The worst part is that these are simple noises that happen nearly every moment of every day--especially in your average American college setting, where chewing gum is thought to be nearly as important as breathing.
Imagine trying to write in that sort of predicament. So far I think I'm the only one trying to.
On the off chance that I'm not, however, I want to plead with every Misophoniac writer who may be reading this. Please, please, please keep at it. I firmly believe that there are more people out there with Misophonia than the statistic says, because most of us don't even know it exists. If that's the case, at least one or two of them must be or want to be a writer. We have to find a way for those people, because there is nothing more disheartening than thinking that you may not be able to do the thing that you love most of all because of some sort of impairment you can do nothing about.
Right now, music is my only option. I, like only a very few people who have Misophonia, am triggered by my own noises. Earplugs are out of the question. I tried them and couldn't stand the sound of myself breathing.
I know that it's easy to feel very, very lonely if you're have this disorder. Most people don't believe you, or will even make your trigger sounds repeatedly just because they know it gets to you and don't understand how severe and uncontrollable it is. I've been wanting to write a post about this for weeks, but have been scared of backlash from the majority of people who just can't understand. Once I thought of how lonely and frustrated I have felt (and feel) thinking that I'm one of the only people in the world who struggles with this, I knew I had to at least say something for those out there who still haven't figured out what's causing most of their misery. Misophonia may dictate your entire life, but it helps so much to know that you aren't crazy or alone.
Imagine trying to write in that sort of predicament. So far I think I'm the only one trying to.
On the off chance that I'm not, however, I want to plead with every Misophoniac writer who may be reading this. Please, please, please keep at it. I firmly believe that there are more people out there with Misophonia than the statistic says, because most of us don't even know it exists. If that's the case, at least one or two of them must be or want to be a writer. We have to find a way for those people, because there is nothing more disheartening than thinking that you may not be able to do the thing that you love most of all because of some sort of impairment you can do nothing about.
Right now, music is my only option. I, like only a very few people who have Misophonia, am triggered by my own noises. Earplugs are out of the question. I tried them and couldn't stand the sound of myself breathing.
I know that it's easy to feel very, very lonely if you're have this disorder. Most people don't believe you, or will even make your trigger sounds repeatedly just because they know it gets to you and don't understand how severe and uncontrollable it is. I've been wanting to write a post about this for weeks, but have been scared of backlash from the majority of people who just can't understand. Once I thought of how lonely and frustrated I have felt (and feel) thinking that I'm one of the only people in the world who struggles with this, I knew I had to at least say something for those out there who still haven't figured out what's causing most of their misery. Misophonia may dictate your entire life, but it helps so much to know that you aren't crazy or alone.
You are absolutely not alone. My struggle with the same disorder led me away from writing and into darkness, but I have new hope now that people are talking about it. I will try to write more coherently later.
ReplyDeleteMe too! For the longest time I thought it was just something strange that only I struggled with. It really is encouraging to hear of others' methods of coping and see if they just might work for you, too. I hope things get better :)
ReplyDeleteYour post sounds so sad that I couldn't help but comment, even though you don't know me and are probably wondering who the creepy girl writing on your blog is. In a nutshell, I'm also a college student, I also have misophonia, and I also like to write.
ReplyDeleteHave you checked out misophonia.uk, as well as the Yahoo support group? (There should be links on the misophonia.uk website to all the resources and groups). The Yahoo group is filled with people like us, and I'm sure at least some of them are writers.
Earplugs work for me, but so does music. I don't know who says music is not ok while writing, but I'm definitely ignoring that advice. (Picking the wrong KIND of music would probably be bad, but if you choose wisely you'll be inspired AND you won't hear your roomates).
Thanks so much for the links! I've been reluctant to do a lot of research on the subject due to the fact that everyone, you know, thinks I'm crazy. I'm sure you know what that feels like xD
ReplyDeleteAnd don't worry, I don't think you're creepy. Hell, I lurk on forums and read through blog comments all the time without ever posting one of my own.
You know, I may actually be crazy o.o