Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Fiction Writing Books: The Only One You'll Ever Need

PencilImage by The Shane H via Flickr

Anyone who's read some of the writing help books out there on the market knows that they're a slew of problems with nearly each and every one of them. It's actually quite a bit harder to find one that helps you than it is to find one that discourages you from writing ever again. Seriously, sometimes I think that the writers of the aforementioned books write them just to discourage new writers and eliminate the competition.

The two biggest problems with writing help books:
--The writer almost always pushes his process on you, telling you that the reason why you've failed is because you weren't doing it his way. Oh, please. A writer's process is like a fingerprint. A true writing HELP book (the key word being help) will aid you in figuring out what your own writing process is and using it to the best of your abilities.
--Work is being pushed and creativity is being ignored. I wouldn't be lying if I said that I had read books that actually discouraged you from being creative. One book even went as far to as say that it really was all work and no play. Well, all work and no play makes a novel dull as hell. I would know. I got as far as my outline before I read over it and had to admit that it was directing the writing of one of the most boring books in history. I shudder to think of what it would have been like had I actually written the thing.

You can only imagine how discouraging it was for me to fail this hard while reading a book that tried as hard as it could to convince the reader that if he or she couldn't make their novel come out in ninety days with the instruction they were given, they were just a terrible writer and not cut out for the buisness. It was literally impossible NOT to fail, however, when I remember how I felt about my writing during those few weeks.

The writer of the book seemed to think that you should hate writing and dread the time you set aside for it as if it were the worst part of the entire day. If you enjoyed it, well, you just weren't pushing yourself hard enough. Sometimes professionals get so caught up in making their job look hard and important that they actually end up stripping all the passion out of it.

So what is an aspiring writer who's having trouble mastering the novel to do?

Well, I'm absolutely thrilled to say that I've actually come across a book that's helped me tremendously. I've taken classes on creative writing and can honestly say that they weren't as good as Alan Watt's The 90 Day Novel: Unlocking the Story Within.

That's exactly what I did. I followed the advice within the pages, and I can't even explain how it worked, but it did. I seriously didn't know that all of that plot was sitting inside of me waiting to explode onto the page. The story is almost one hundred percent different than it was when I went through it the first time I had novel writing doubts, and it's almost that much more interesting. It's not just a story---it's a good one. When I read his book, I get the impression that he actually gives a crap, rare as that is in today's world of self help books.

So if you've been trying to write a novel for the longest time (in my case, bordering on four to five years) and just can't get it to work no matter how hard you try, I highly recommend this book. Translation: GET IT. GET IT. GET IT.

I'm beginning to see what my writing process is now, and it's working so much better than trying to roll with everyone else's.

This book is a must for aspiring writers. The reviews are not lying. It really is that helpful, and I will swear on a stack of whatever religious documents you wish that I am not being paid a cent to say any of this stuff.


Thursday, August 25, 2011

Prompts, Straight out of My Head

WritingImage by J. Paxon Reyes via FlickrI have antibiotics in my system, and I believe I just might be back.

Or, well, hopefully. Today I went to a College Composition class where I was told that I would have to think completely mechanically for the next fifteen weeks. I could have died that very second. Good Lord, how am I going to manage writing something technical that isn't about wizards and space aliens?

It sort of reminded me, however, about one of my bigger problems lately. My writing is, well, too mechanical. It sounds like Ben Stein is the narrator (no disrespect intended to Mr. Stein, of course). So, I took a little break from my novel and decided to brush up on some stream of consciousness exercises. These are always fun. I always produce the most interesting little things when I work this way. It isn't at all filtered through my stupid left brain. I'm just writing, and that's the best thing any writer can do.

That being said, I thought it would be great to post up some good stream of consciousness prompts just for the fun of it. If anyone decides to tackles these and comes up with something they think particularly hilarious (or frightening), feel free to put it in the comments. The best possible thing that could come from this is you getting a whole new story idea. These really are just the best around for generating ideas.


  • The thing you want to do most of all before you die
  • Write about the one thing that scares you the most and why it scares you.
  • What is your passion and what about it makes you passionate?
  • The thing you feel society has most screwed up on
  • OR the thing you feel society is doing best of all
  • What you feel is the biggest injustice today
  • An event or period of history that makes your skin crawl
  • The most admirable thing about the person you think of as your hero



Remember to give yourself a good set time (the usual one is about five minutes) and not stop until the time limit is up. If you're writing, don't let that pen or pencil leave the page until the whole five minutes are up. If you're typing, you're fingers shouldn't leave the keyboard. Just go and let it come straight from your heart and as you yourself would say it. Don't think it. Just feel it. Above all, don't judge it.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I Lackadaisically Made This.




The photo pre-GIMP is credited to Jon Sullivan, but the boredom is all mine.

I Think I Just Saw a Pink Elephant

I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to post or answer people for a little while! My internet has been just terrible. I had the Ginsburg post backed up just in case that happened (because, well, it happens often), but I think things are finally ready to go much more smoothly.

The novel I've been working on, however, could only dream of going so smoothly. I've been horribly sick for the past two weeks and haven't been able to make the hamster running around on a wheel in my brain active for what feels like an eternity. That's my excuse, poor as it is, for the bad writing you've been seeing in the past few blog posts. It seems I keep forgetting what I've already typed by the time I get to the end...sometimes of the sentence.

There's a fine, misty haze over all the world and the tiniest sound might as well be a hurricane outside my walls. For some reason that I'll never quite understand, however, I was able to read every single word of the animal behavior chapter of my Biology textbook and understand every word.

I know, not hard stuff...but normally I would be flipping through the pages and screaming, "WHERE THE FLIP ARE THE DRAGONS AND UNICORNS?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!"

So this post is basically an apology for the crappy content you've been seeing recently. I'm off to go drink an entire bottle of hot sauce.

I'm not even joking. This morning I shouted obscenities at Martha Stewart on television just because she saw it necessary to buy silver straws worth more money than I'll probably see in a few years. The entire house was amused.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Shoutout to Allen Ginsburg

Allen Ginsberg was an eyewitness to the riotsImage via WikipediaJoseph Roux once said that, "Poetry is truth in its Sunday clothes."

Allen Ginsburg showed us all that poetry is sometimes better when it strips down naked and says, "Hey! This ain't pretty, but it's how it is."

And you know what? Sometimes a thing is beautiful in its own way just for being what it is. 
Even Steve Buscemi, as much as I hate to say it.

My favorite Ginsburg poems:





Monday, August 22, 2011

4 Annoying Things About Urban Fantasy

I have come to the realization that I cannot stand urban fantasy. I know, I know...it's quite possibly one of the most beloved genres in all of bookdome. I'm not saying that I've closed off my mind to it, either. Everyone knows that all it takes to completely redeem a genre is one really amazing book. There are just a few little things about urban fantasy that have really been jumping on top of my nerves and doing a nice little two step lately, and over time they've manifested themselves into a nice little article-worthy list.


  1. It's a genre that continually tries to be cool to the extent that it just isn't.  Vampires are cool without dressing up as a circa 1970s Henry Winkler, and for some reason I just can't entertain the idea of them regularly attending nightclubs and behaving like a fourteen year old girl. 
  2. It's almost always coupled with some sort of paranormal romance which is almost always based on nothing but sex because everyone knows that's all love is anymore. Sure, Guy #1 is seriously in love with you and would do anything for  you, but he's like, a human! And like, Guy #2 is half dragon and wants to eat your face for breakfast! How can you compete with that, Guy #1? How?!?
  3. Everyone who isn't magical has to have a skull that's three inches thick. There's a dragon perched on top of the Empire State Building and I'm supposed to believe that nobody sees? This is the one thing that makes urban fantasy so hard to write--the fact that the writer has to make a believable excuse for the magical elements in the story and the fact that no one seems to notice that they're there. Most writers nowadays don't even seem to be making the attempt.  
  4. All of the books are basically the same but with different characters.  In other words, urban fantasy has been way overdone. Nearly ever book that comes out nowadays is either it or just plain nonfiction. After being written so often, it's not hard to believe that elements of different stories criss-cross. Originality is getting harder and harder to find these days.